Life on the Road and at Home

I’ve published another story with Land That I Live. This was a fun opportunity for me to experiment with a new form of one of my favorite genrea, the travel essay. Enjoy!

There and Back Again

Melody-Hyde-Park

February 1

I am now booked for four domestic and international trips over the next two months: Seattle, India, Boston, England. Some for work, some for pleasure, some for both. Lately, my life has seemed like a train on the tracks, rolling past the same people and places at the same time every day. I’m eager for change.

February 5

My plane touches down around 9 p.m. Seattle time. It’s midnight back home in DC, and I worked a full day before my coast-to-coast flight. Still, the lights sparkling outside my hotel window call to me, and all I want is not to be alone in a strange city. Keep reading…

Rapper’s Delight: 2 Pi Finds Rhythm in Math

Here’s my latest story, published by Maryland Life this month! I hope you enjoy.

Rapper’s Delight

2 Pi

Jake Scott stands in front of his pre-calculus class at Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring. But he doesn’t lecture.

He raps.

“The quadratic formula is the tool you use when those prime quadratics have you singing the blues,” he chants over a driving beat.

Not the type to be tied to a textbook, Scott writes, edits, directs, and stars in his own music videos about math. Read more…

A Short Guide to “Atlas Shrugged”

Assigned to read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged? Curious about the book after Paul Ryan proclaimed his devotion to it last year? Don’t worry, you don’t have to wade through this long and ideologically…. interesting book. Not to get into the business of shilling for others’ films, but I ran across this video recently and thought I’d share.

Here’s more about the book/video from Academic Earth:

You know how some authors tuck their messages away in subtle narrative layers, inviting you to tease them out through careful analysis? Well, Ayn Rand isn’t one of those authors. In Atlas Shrugged, her 1957 magnum opus, Rand thrusts her philosophy to the foreground, leaving no question as to where she stands on social values.

Having witnessed the Communist conquest that shook her native Russia, Rand had quite a bit to say about the merits of capitalism, freedom, and self-interest. Though she had already begun to outline her social theory in her previous novel, The Fountainhead, it was Atlas Shrugged that—through heavy symbolism and even explicit speeches—solidified the divisive ideology she called Objectivism.

Particularly in the wake of Paul Ryan’s now-famous endorsement, it seems like everyone has something to say about this controversial manifesto. Love it or hate it, Atlas Shrugged is likely to remain a staple of dinner party conversation for years to come. Don’t miss out on the fun—check out this TL;DR video and bring your own opinion to the table.

Check out the rest of this site, too–it’s designed to bring you up to speed on a range of topics, from using bitcoins to the mathematics of taking a punch.

You (Plural): An Interview with Filmmaker David Vaipan

David Vaipan has written and directed more than seventy projects. Currently, he’s at work on a feature-length adaptation of James Joyce’s Ulysses, Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and Homer’s Odyssey, titled You (Plural). Recently, he answered a few of my questions about screenwriting and the process of adapting classic literature to film.

You (Plural)What made you want to make this film?

From 2008-2011, nearly every short movie, music video, essay, short story or poem was created to showcase different themes in an attempt to provoke the viewer or reader to change: sexism, racism, consumerism, classism, laziness, existential dread (bleh), escape through drugs or alcohol or religion or high- or low-  or pop-culture. But nobody was changing; maybe I was naive, mostly preaching to the choir, so I started jotting down notes for this project at the end of 2010 while working on a thirty-minute short (“Seizure”), which focused on finding motivation and the fear of success or failure.

The first tentative title was “My Own.” It was to be a thirty-minute short (usually when I set out to make a five-minute short it expands to around thirty minutes, so I should’ve guessed I was in trouble), and it was to finally be something that was made just for fun, for me, even if it was esoteric and difficult. Something that would make me smile. Immediately after I finished “Seizure” in July of 2011, I set to work on compiling notes and preliminary structuring of “My Own.” I’d read Joyce’s Ulysses twice before and recognized some of Joyce’s ideas in this project (e.g. in Joyce’s “Oxen” chapter, he traces the history of English prose styles; I wanted to recreate the entire history of dramatic cinema. I also had extended first-person scenes which mirror Joyce’s stream of consciousness). I remember sitting outside of a cafe when it dawned on me, and laughing at myself for even thinking I could adapt Joyce. And immediately I told myself, “Yes. I’m going to adapt Joyce.” (I had written several full-length screenplays before, but wanted my first-feature to be something special, so I thought I was ready.) But, if I was going to change Joyce’s “Oxen” chapter to be focused on cinema instead of prose, then I could free myself to change many other things. So, I bought a fresh copy of Ulysses and opened it up for the third time.

What is your approach to literature and filmmaking?

Because of my experience with close-reading and analysis of literature — I’m beginning work on my Master’s in literature this fall at San Francisco State — I had tools and preparation in approaching these works from a number of critical perspectives, such as a Marxist or Feminist or New Historicist reading. As luck would have it, the writing sample I sent out to graduate schools was on Hamlet, so I’d already devoted an inordinate amount of time on the tragedy and the scholarly research of it. In the fall of 2011 and spring of 2012 I took an Ancient Lit course and Classical Athens course, respectively, with two incredible professors who both knew Ancient Greek, so I was the annoying guy with hand often raised asking absurdly abstruse questions about The Odyssey.

Perhaps what informed me most in my approach toward adapting these works for the cinema was Joyce’s approach toward adapting Hamlet and The Odyssey, a play and an epic poem, for the novel. Joyce wholly appropriated not only the aforementioned works, but all the arts before the twentieth century to create something absolutely new. To give you an example, in a presentation I gave on Milton’s Comus and the Circe chapter of Ulysses, I ran through the book-length studies on Ulysses I found at the Cal State Fresno library:

“Flaubert & Joyce, Shaw & Joyce, Shakespeare & Joyce, Joyce & Wagner, Joyce & Dante, Joyce & Ibsen, Joyce & The Victorians, Joyce & The Bible, Joyce & The Jews,  Joyce Beyond Marx, Joyce Between Freud & Jung, and something called Pedagogy, Praxis & Joyce which I guess is for professors who’ve run out of ideas. And these are only the books with proper nouns in their titles.”

Because Ulysses was the fountainhead of twentieth-century literature and an homage to all the arts before the twentieth century, I wanted to make this movie an homage to the arts after the turn of the century. So, concomitant with my close-readings of the three primary sources, I studied classical, jazz, and popular music, the history of all cinema, all literature, and the fine arts. An example of one form of homage is that the first thing the audience hears is Schoenberg’s “Pierrot Lunaire,” in and of itself a sort of fountainhead of twentieth-century classical music, and the movie continues chronologically through some of the greatest works, including those by Satie, Stravinsky, Varese, John Cage, Phillip Glass, John Adams, Steve Reich, Osvaldo Golijov, and many others. In this movie we allude to more than 500 different works, which you can find at the works cited page for the film.

Some of the greatest fears in adapting a work of literature for the screen are the expectations that an audience familiar with the works may have. However, more important for me was the perception of people who have never even heard of Ulysses, or couldn’t tell Prince Hamlet of Denmark from Prince Harry of Wales. Of course, people familiar with any or all of the works I’m adapting might garner more pleasure from the movie, but one of my main motivations is to introduce at least Ulysses to a whole new audience.

What’s fundamentally different between my approach and, say, Bahz Luhrman’s of “The Great Gatsby” or the Coen brothers of “No Country for Old Men,” is that it isn’t a simple print-to-screen adaptation, but an appropriation. General readers of Ulysses don’t raise their clenched fists in the air, shouting, “How could he have so butchered Homer’s magnificent Odyssey?!” because it isn’t just a prose version of the epic poem, it’s a complete recreation. And just like Joyce appropriated those works for the novel, I appropriate these different works for the cinema.

What is your writing process?

By now, my process toward writing poetry, prose, nonfiction, or for the screen is often the same: I take a copious amount of notes on structure, theme, character, and so on before I begin formally writing. This project was no different. By the time I do begin writing, I’ve already completed at least a couple rough drafts of almost ever scene. (Here are some pics of my notes/annotations.)

Something particular to Joyce, Homer, and Shakespeare is that every chapter, book, or act not merely underscores the overarching themes, but also introduce new themes particular to that section. So, I stay true to the overarching themes and distinct themes in all three works. Ironically, in my attempt to escape a project focused on issues of class, race, sex, and other social issues, this project turned into what I think is my most acute analysis of these subjects because of how well the three works approach these topics.

One of the largest challenges I faced was in adapting Joyce’s unique style to the screen. It’s apparent that every single chapter has its own distinct style which compliments the distinct themes. The issue is how to adapt it for the screen. The easiest, perhaps, is Joyce’s stream of consciousness (SOC). Almost every time, which is unfortunately seldom in cinema, the audience is allowed to hear a character’s thoughts on screen, it is done the same way: a shot of the character looking severely and poignantly off into the distance while a nearly monotonous voice over slowly expounds on something heady. More unfortunately, both previous screen adaptations of Ulysses employ this very same technique for Joyce’s SOC, which is seldom heady and often silly and banal. One of my methods in approaching the SOC is shooting from the literal first-person perspective of a character, which includes fantasies, memories, and subjective reactions (e.g. when something awful happens, color subtly drains from the screen). There are many other stylistic experiments, but they’re better seen than read.

How is screenwriting different from, say, writing a novel?

There are many differences in approaching something for the screen as opposed to for the page. I constantly jot down notes for ideas, at a cafe or while driving or waking in the middle of the night, but I separate them by poetry, prose, or cinema because the mediums are inherently predisposed to being better at some things over others. One main disadvantage for screenwriting is that, like music, it’s fixed in time, whereas while I’m reading a novel I can easily flip back a few pages to reread something, pause to laugh or cry, or set it down for later. Reading is also inherently private; movies are still watched on an epic scale with sometimes hundreds of people in the theater, which requires its own etiquette.

The most important aspect relating to the temporal nature of cinema versus literature is that a movie is almost never longer than a couple of hours. Reading something like Crime and Punishment will require maybe ten times that, so audiences are taught to bring different attention spans to a movie as opposed to a book. A more egregious error common in cinema, which reflects the shift in attention span, is that many movies are made to be consumed just once, leaving the audience sated, bloated, and ready for bed–not unlike junk food. However, a great work of cinema can have viewers spending many hours more than it would require to read hundreds of pages. I have a ritual that I’ve been doing since I was fifteen where, upon discovering something truly genius, every night for a week I’ll rewatch the same movie often two or three times every night. Because cinema is limited by time, great cinema needs to compress in just two hours what a novel can explore over ten times that, thus stimulating a viewer to watch again and again to fully appreciate the work.

One of the main advantages of writing for the screen as opposed to prose is the mise en scène. What a camera can do with just one ten-second shot–of perhaps a classroom full of students who are in various states of boredom, or a party at its climax, or even just a panning shot of someone’s bedroom full of idiosyncratic things–would take much more than ten seconds to read from the page. Imagine taking a photograph, just one still frame of what’s around you, and describing every single thing in that frame on the page! So, cinema allows the spectator to consume a great deal of description in an incredibly short amount of time. A benefit of this is the great surprise on the audience’s part. Take these three shots, each ten seconds long: A character is sitting at her desk at her job, working; CUT TO: she is at an elegant rooftop party dancing with friends; CUT TO: she is on the beach watching her children play. Or a character walks through his front door, flicks on the light; the room is extravagantly decorated, and fifty people inside scream, “Surprise!” because it’s his birthday. Because of how quickly one digests everything on the screen, it is much more startling than reading a description that, even if it cuts out half of what is shown on screen, will take at least ten times longer to process.

The biggest difference, however, is that almost all cinema is a collaborative effort. A script is never a holy thing. By the time a movie is finished, there are so many differences from what was on the page to what’s on screen that it’s entirely unrecognizable. A script is just a shadow. It doesn’t have the beautiful descriptions that a set designer puts together; or characters’ unspoken thoughts and their smallest facial reactions or how the characters act, which the director and actors work on together; or usually anything about camera movement, whether its close or far and what that means in context of the scene, which the cinematographer focuses on. Even blocking and the lines themselves, lines which are absolutely perfect on the page, from any actor will sound different and sometimes need to be changed for the scene to sound authentic. I’ve read about some famous screenwriters occasionally going crazy over even the smallest changes to their script, but from the perspective of someone who writes and directs, in order to make the best movie possible, it’s important to adapt to every situation.

How can readers see the film?

Visit the Kickstarter page of You (Plural) to support the film by Thursday, June 13. We’re in the fundraising stage with 25% of our project backed on Kickstarter. This experimental film has one male and one female play every role, has extended first-person perspective scenes, shot-for-shot recreations of movies across all genres, and many other stylistic innovations which you can watch on the Kickstarter page.

In the meantime, you can see exclusive clips with short descriptions, embed codes, and pictures and movie stills on the You (Plural) website, and receive regular updates to the project on its Facebook page.

June Nonfiction Book Club: “Unnatural Selection” by Mara Hvistendahl

I’ve enjoyed the first few months of leading the Nonfiction Book Group at Arlington’s One More Page Books & More. So far we’ve read and chatted about Boomerang: Travels in the Third World by Michael Lewis; Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain; and Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America by
Barbara Ehrenreich.

Our selection for June is Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men by Mara Hvistendahl. Here’s more on the book:

Unnatural Selection

Lianyungang, a booming port city, has China’s most extreme gender ratio for children under four: 163 boys for every 100 girls. These numbers don’t seem terribly grim, but in ten years, the skewed sex ratio will pose a colossal challenge. By the time those children reach adulthood, their generation will have twenty-four million more men than women.

The prognosis for China’s neighbors is no less bleak: Asia now has 163 million females “missing” from its population. Gender imbalance reaches far beyond Asia, affecting Georgia, Eastern Europe, and cities in the U.S. where there are significant immigrant populations. The world, therefore, is becoming increasingly male, and this mismatch is likely to create profound social upheaval.

Historically, eras in which there have been an excess of men have produced periods of violent conflict and instability. Mara Hvistendahl has written a stunning, impeccably-researched book that does not flinch from examining not only the consequences of the misbegotten policies of sex selection but Western complicity with them.

Unnatural Selection was a finalist for both the Pulitzer Prize and the Los Angeles Times Book Prize, and it was named “Best Book of 2011″ by the Wall Street Journal, Slate, and Discover Magazine. Unmoved by those accolades? Check out Jack’s glowing review of the book; he says it was the best book he read last year.

Join us on Monday, June 10, at 7 pm to discuss the book. I encourage you to drop by even if you haven’t finished the book. The joy of reading nonfiction is that the discussion tends to range our current cultural and political terrain, and anyone can join in. I hope to see you there!

“District Lines”: New Literary Journal Devoted to DC

Today, Politics & Prose bookstore announced that they are releasing a new literary journal, District Lines. The publication will be produced on their print-on-demand machine, the unveiling of which I attended back in 2011. It’s a smart marketing move for the store; not only does it position them even more as a literary destination, it also showcases what the POD machine can do for any customer.

Here’s more info about the journal:

District LinesIn a city known for its lobbyists, lawyers, and politicians, Politics & Prose Bookstore is celebrating Washington’s lesser-known side with the release of its inaugural issue of District Lines, an anthology of original work from established and emerging names in the local arts community.

Printed on Politics & Prose’s in-house book-printing machine, District Lines contains essays, short fiction, poems, sketches, and photography on quirky and serious subjects ranging from a sighting of Effi Barry on a Metro bus to an August night on the Q Street Bridge to hotcakes at the Florida Avenue Grill to an ode to the Dupont Circle metro escalator.

Anthology contributors will read at Politics & Prose on Saturday, June 15 at 3:30 p.m. District Lines is $15 and goes on sale on Monday, May 20 at Politics & Prose.

They’re not sure how frequently the journal will be published–probably every year. I’m looking into what the submission guidelines are like, and will update this post when I find them.

At Home With Kizmet

image

The ever-photogenic Kizmet agreed to a few candids recently. It went as well as a photo shoot with any celebrity.

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First, she expressed support for her platform: ultimate Frisbee.

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Then, she got up-close and personal.

She drew the line at posing scantily-clawed.

Top Ten Books on Science: My Summer Reading List

I’ve developed an interest in science ever since graduating college, but sometimes I feel like I’m missing crucial elements of my education, partly because I was homeschooled. This summer, I hope to do a lot of catching up by (re)educating myself on basic scientific principles. Here’s what I’ll be reading:

A Briefer History of Time1. A Briefer History of Time by Stephen Hawking
Stephen Hawking’s worldwide bestseller A Brief History of Time remains a landmark volume in scientific writing. But for years readers have asked for a more accessible formulation of its key concepts—the nature of space and time, the role of God in creation, and the history and future of the universe. This is Professor Hawking’s response. Although “briefer,” this book is much more than a mere explanation of Hawking’s earlier work. A Briefer History of Time both clarifies and expands on the great subjects of the original, and records the latest developments in the field—from string theory to the search for a unified theory of all the forces of physics.

The Demon-Haunted World2. The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark by Carl Sagan
How can we make intelligent decisions about our increasingly technology-driven lives if we don’t understand the difference between the myths of pseudoscience and the testable hypotheses of science? Pulitzer Prize-winning author and distinguished astronomer Carl Sagan argues that scientific thinking is critical not only to the pursuit of truth but to the very well-being of our democratic institutions. As Sagan demonstrates with lucid eloquence, the siren song of unreason is not just a cultural wrong turn but a dangerous plunge into darkness that threatens our most basic freedoms.

Written in Stone3. Written in Stone: Evolution, the Fossil Record, and Our Place in Nature by Brian Switek
Spectacular fossil finds make today’s headlines; new technology unlocks secrets of skeletons unearthed a hundred years ago. Still, evolution is often poorly represented by the media and misunderstood by the public. A potent antidote to pseudoscience, Written in Stone is an engrossing history of evolutionary discovery for anyone who has marveled at the variety and richness of life.

Your Inner Fish4. Your Inner Fish: A Journey into the 3.5-Billion-Year History of the Human Body by Neil Shubin
Why do we look the way we do? Neil Shubin, the paleontologist and professor of anatomy who co-discovered Tiktaalik, the “fish with hands,” tells the story of our bodies as you’ve never heard it before. By examining fossils and DNA, he shows us that our hands actually resemble fish fins, our heads are organized like long-extinct jawless fish, and major parts of our genomes look and function like those of worms and bacteria. Your Inner Fish makes us look at ourselves and our world in an illuminating new light.

The First Three Minutes5. The First Three Minutes: A Modern View Of The Origin Of The Universe by Steven Weinberg
This classic of contemporary science writing by a Nobel Prize-winning physicist explains to general readers what happened when the universe began, and how we know.

Atom6. Atom: An Odyssey from the Big Bang to Life on Earth… and Beyond by Lawrence M. Krauss
The story of matter and the history of the cosmos–from the perspective of a single oxygen atom–is told with the insight and wit of one of the most dynamic physicists and writers working today. Sample reviews: “A reader of this book will travel with the atom, and learn a great deal of modern particle physics, astrophysics and molecular biology”; “Even the least scientifically inclined will be able to comprehend the events that shaped the universe and which conspired to create our own solar system.”

Big Bang7. Big Bang: The Origin of the Universe by Simon Singh
A half century ago, a shocking Washington Post headline claimed that the world began in five cataclysmic minutes rather than having existed for all time; a skeptical scientist dubbed the maverick theory the Big Bang. In this amazingly comprehensible history of the universe, Simon Singh decodes the mystery behind the Big Bang theory, lading us through the development of one of the most extraordinary, important, and awe-inspiring theories in science.

The Elegant Universe8. The Elegant Universe: Superstrings, Hidden Dimensions, and the Quest for the Ultimate Theory by Brian Greene
Brian Greene, one of the world’s leading string theorists, peels away the layers of mystery surrounding string theory to reveal a universe that consists of eleven dimensions, where the fabric of space tears and repairs itself, and all matter from the smallest quarks to the most gargantuan supernovas is generated by the vibrations of microscopically tiny loops of energy. In this brilliantly articulated and refreshingly clear book, Greene relates the scientific story and the human struggle behind twentieth-century physics’ search for a theory of everything.

The Universe Within9. The Universe Within: Discovering the Common History of Rocks, Planets, and People by Neil Shubin
How are the events that formed our solar system billions of years ago embedded inside each of us? Starting once again with fossils, Shubin turns his gaze skyward, showing us how the entirety of the universe’s fourteen-billion-year history can be seen in our bodies. As he moves from our very molecular composition (a result of stellar events at the origin of our solar system) through the workings of our eyes, Shubin makes clear how the evolution of the cosmos has profoundly marked our own bodies.

On the Origin of Species10. On the Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
This landmark work of scientific and philosophical thought sets forth Charles Darwin’s pioneering theory of evolution and the interdependence of species. On the Origin of Species had an immediate and profound impact on the literature and ideas of his contemporaries. Without setting out to be controversial, Darwin became quite possibly the most revolutionary writer of the Victorian age, overturning the widely held religious and scientific beliefs of his time.

Have you read any of these? Are there any good books on science–particularly evolution and cosmology–that I’m missing?

I receive a very small commission when you purchase the book through the above links. Thank you for helping to support my site–and my book addiction!

“Angelhead” by Greg Bottoms

AngelheadTitle: Angelhead: My Brother’s Descent into Madness
Author: Greg Bottoms
ISBN: 9780226067643
Pages: 227
Release date: April 2005
Publisher: University Of Chicago Press
Genre: Memoir
Format: Hardcover
Source: Personal collection (memoir class)
Rating: 4 out of 5

When Greg Bottoms tackles the demons of his past, he’s being literal. In Angelhead, he writes of his brother’s heartbreaking decline into paranoid schizophrenia, and the terror and grief the entire family suffers.

Greg Bottoms was a young boy when he witnessed his brother’s first psychotic break. From that time on, he and his family suffered through Michael’s increasingly violent and disturbing behavior.

There is a lot in the story that Greg can’t know—like what was going through Michael’s mind—that he supplements with thorough research. When Michael has a psychotic break at school, Greg seems to use observation, research, and guesswork to get into Michael’s head:

One day the world turned white for Michael. Each object—door, floor, table, human—was wrung dry of all its meaning and he was left floating in a stark nothingness. . . . But then Jesus disappeared, and Michael knew it was because he had failed him, failed Christ, failed God, by being so lazy, by failing to learn what needed to be learned. He looked up at the numbers above doorways. They crushed him with their secrets. They whispered. The numbers were real. If he just concentrated on the numbers he’d be okay, he’d find Christ again; he’d learn about numbers, the curves, the lines, what they meant, how they related to things.

I doubt that Michael had the lucidity to describe to Greg what he was thinking, so in scenes like these he has to fill in a lot of blanks. Despite his extensive research, which he references several times in the book, Greg never quotes from books or experts on mental illness (unless it’s a doctor who plays into the story). Instead, he incorporates the dreamlike (sometimes nightmare-like) quality of Michael’s madness into the prose. He relies heavily on poetic license and imagery, as when Michael torches the family home:

He went to the end of our road, about a mile away, and sat at the edge of the black river, where wooden fishing boats were tied to pilings, floating on their own dark reflections. He prayed, pulling hard on his third, then his fourth cigarette. He waited for the blue souls of my family to go flying past, toward the safe, bright stars.

Without the poetic and literary devices Greg employs, he might not have had much of a story. I’m glad he wrote in the introduction that sections like these were based on what he thought happened. If I thought that nonfiction had to be straight-up reporting, I might not like some of his more speculative scenes. But I thought he did a great job conveying what he knew, what he researched, and what he guessed. If something was fact, he’d say so; otherwise, he’d say “might” or “perhaps” – but without losing the momentum of the story.

Bottoms is a vivid, lyrical writer. Like Amy Fusselman—a fellow punk rocker—he uses short, declarative sentences followed by long, emotional run-ons. His rich, gorgeous descriptions that make scenes and characters come alive, like when he remembers his mother’s reaction to Michael’s schizophrenia diagnosis:

I have an image of my mother staring at the dark wood of our kitchen table, saying, I don’t know what we’re going to do, saying this with no inflection, like the undead talking in a late-night movie. It was February. There was cold, sharp light in the room. A pitiful midday sun made geometric shapes the color of stained teeth on the kitchen floor.

The raw, ugly images Bottoms uses—the undead, stained teeth, and others—serve to reinforce the pain he experienced growing up with an acutely mentally ill sibling.

More than an examination of his brother’s decline, Angelhead is an exploration of Greg Bottoms’ guilt and grief—and his attempt to build a life after madness. He writes,

We never talked about Michael, partly because his insane behavior was “normal” to us, partly because it was too much to deal with to put our feelings into words and exchange them. What was there to say? Or rather, there was everything to say, and with that in front of you language becomes daunting, a burden, a pack of lies and false feelings, a trap you set for yourself, sentence by sentence.

Yet this book is his belated attempt to discuss the bewildering and distressing experience of seeing a loved one with schizophrenia. This theme resurfaces when Greg reaches college:

I began reading all the time, endlessly, book after book, always looking to find the grand tragedy rendered with meaning—the more transgressive, the more violent, the better, because by the middle of the book I wanted to see how this mess would be fixed, how a life, even a sad, broken, imaginary life, could be saved. I started to believe—and I still believe—that I could somehow save myself with a story, and even though I couldn’t save anyone else, I could try to understand them, attempt to grant them at least that, and perhaps it is in this, this attempt to understand, that a person is truly saved.

The story he is telling now is his attempt to cleanse and save himself through the story. This is the kind of honest insight I would have liked to see in Rosman’s book! It resonated quite a bit in me; this is how I cope with grief as well.

Greg builds a good deal of suspense in the book. How far will Michael go? Of what violence is he capable? But Greg also builds suspense about what will happen to the family. Greg writes of them from a distance, with a feeling of palpable guilt and regret, and the reader knows that the bonds of the family will be tested and may not hold well in the book.

It was a tough book to read—graphically violent, at times permeated with guilt and regret—and I’m not sure I’d want to re-read it. But Greg relates the story with beauty and respect. He is unflinchingly honest, freely admitting his mistakes and the guilt he still feels for them, and that redeems the book.

Interested? Read it for yourself! Buy Angelhead from an independent bookstore or Amazon (Kindle version is available).

Why Date an Inmate? For the Sense of Security

I have a new piece up at Slate today. This is, I think, the most personal thing I’ve ever written. I hope you enjoy!

Inmate date

“I love you.” They were words I had longed to hear from Justin for years, but when he finally spoke them, something held me back. Three layers of Plexiglass and armed guards, to be precise. Keep reading…